Saturday, January 8, 2011

A Weighty Issue

It's the new year and all around the world it seems that people are focusing on losing weight and eating healthier. I, too, am going to jump on the bandwagon.

Over the last six months or so, I've gained about 10 pounds. It's enough to make most of my clothes not fit right and to make me not to want to post my outfit of the day pictures. It's rare that I get an outfit I feel "pretty" in any more. Notice that my monthly post count went way down hill last August - that's why.

Maintaining a healthy weight has been a struggles of mine over the past 8 years, but it wasn't always so. When I was growing up, I was stick thin and I could eat whatever. Don't you just hate people like that. Then I graduated from university the first time with a degree in history and found that I had the least employable degree ever. I was saddled with thousands of dollars of student loans
and had no job. I sat on the couch for a summer, depressed, and ate chips to comfort myself. At the end of the summer, when I put my sun dresses away, I realized that none of my pants fit me. I had gained a lot of weight (and had the stretch marks to prove it).

I finally did find a job. Actually
RDog did. He got me a customer service job at his former office for the grand salary of $10/hour. The unhealthy eating continued. Looking back now, I realize that I was really depressed. This was not a high point in my life.

Two years after graduating from university, I got my shit together and decided to go back. I
enrolled at the University of Maine to get my teaching degree. I can't believe I am going to show this picture. This was when I first visited the campus in 2005. I am 5'10" and I think I was about 200 pounds.

It really grosses me out to look at this.

The combination of being happier with my life, eating regular, albeit,
cafeteria meals and starting to use the gym, caused me to lose about 20 pounds. By the time I was finished my degree I was weighing around 175 pounds.

Here I am being a goof on one of my last days at university.

Flash forward to January, 2008. I was getting married and needed a dress. I don't know what I was thinking but I ordered a wedding dress on EBay. Actually I do know what I
was thinking; I found the designer dress of my dreams (Pronovias white lace) for a steal ($400). I heard wedding dresses run small so without looking at measurements, I ordered a non-returnable dress in a size 12, one size larger that my normal 10. When the dress arrived, I realized that in Pronovias dress land, a size 12 is really like a size 6. I couldn't even get the dress up over my butt it was so small! This gorgeous wedding dress gave me the motivation to get my butt in gear and really get healthy.

I mean, look at the lace and beading. So beautiful.

So I had the motivation to get healthy, all I needed was the knowledge. Step in this book

I discovered how to eat clean and boy did I eat clean. Lots of oatmeal, tuna, chicken, egg whites, veggies and fruit. I was so hard core I gave up cheese - CHEESE (I love me some cheese). I also started using an elliptical about 5 times a week. Before I knew it, it was May and my bridal shower and I looked like this (and weighed 147 pounds!). And I loved it.

I love this picture because you can see my pretty white smile. All my life I never smiled in pictures because I had one very crooked tooth. It stuck in and made me look like I was almost missing a front tooth. I was NOT going to let my tooth ruin my wedding pictures. One veneer was all it took. Best money I ever spent!

Anyways, our wedding day arrived and it truly was the best day of my life. Oh, and the dress fit. :-)

Excuse the goofy pose, it was hard to find a picture without someone else in it. RDog prefers to remain anonymous.

After my post wedding feed of pizza (I ate it while wearing my wedding dress while my groom was passed out beside me - romantic eh :-) and a feeding frenzy during our cruise honeymoon, I kept on with the clean eating, but on a lighter level. I ate cheese and butter once again. I was able to keep my weight in the low 150s and was happy with that. Remember, I'm 5'10'. But over time, I forgot more and more of the eating clean principles and ate more and more junk. I knew I was gaining weight but didn't really want to deal with it besides drowning my sorrows in a bag of chips.

It all came to a head this past week when I stepped on the scale and was shocked. I can't believe I am going to tell you this (I am really getting up close and personal with this post) but I weighed 166 pounds. I went to the closet and took out the stack of jeans I haven't worn in months because deep down I knew they wouldn't fit and well, I tried them on. And there it was staring me straight in the face. My jeans wouldn't fit. I had gained too much weight. Enough, I thought. This is enough.

I dug out my eat clean books and sat down to
have a good read. It came back pretty quickly. I made my grocery lists and hit the bulk barn for my oats and spices and other odd things that the checkout girl didn't recognize. I started cooking instead of reaching into the freezer and popping something processed into the oven. And I posted this to hold me accountable. Yes, I've gained weight but gosh darn I'm going to lose it!

So there's my story. Thank you for sticking with me through it. I plan on posting regular updates on my clean eating to get my on task. And hopefully the outfit pictures with start to return once I start to feel better about the way my clothes look on me.


  1. Hi KDot! Thank you for sharing and being so open and honest with us. I loved seeing full-face pics of're so pretty!

    I think a lot of us can relate to the ups and downs of weight issues. I know I've been there, and I lost my weight with a similar eating style. Diet really does make so much of the difference. Good luck with your current goal. Keep us can do it!

  2. Thanks for sharing. I know exactly how you feel. I've gained about 15 lbs and don't feel very good about myself. There's absolutely NO WAY I'm going to post outfit pictures any time soon.

    Sounds like you're on the right track again. You were able to lose the weight before, and I'm sure you'll be successful this time around :) Good luck!

  3. Hi KDot:
    I've been there too (see my post yesterday). You are on track and I bet you are feeling better already. Please do let us know how it is going for you, and thanks for sharing. You are very beautiful!!

  4. What a great post. I am also 5'10", so I identify with all your numbers. I think we all have a "set point" with which you can maintain without a deprivation diet, but eating sensibly. From what you have said, I think that yours is not your low 150's but not as high as 166 or 170, either. We get set on our set point being where our favorite pants fit. I was as low as 154 when under severe stress of moving to a smaller house and losing my favorite dog, and while thin, I was miserable and did not buy a bunch of new clothes. Then to a high of about 175 after 5 years, then a bout with breast cancer and have stabilized at 158-160 for the last 14 months. I am comfortable here and have bought many pairs of pants and jeans (even at this set point- not the lowEST, mind you- my oncologist bugs me about my weight being too high, but with my height I "wear it well". Men!)
    Needless to say, I did not have a bad case, so he feels like I am healthy enough to pester.

    Some suggestions: have your thyroid checked to make sure its working right, as that controls your overall metabolism. Try taking resveratrol supplements, which I believe kicks in a bunch of genes related to life span and metabolism. No more 'situational' eating where you are doing something else while eating. Quit alcohol if you can- I couldn't, but limit to 5 drinks a week. All very easy, and I don't feel like I am dieting.
    Good luck- keep us posted!

  5. I appreciated your open and honest post. I'm 6 feet tall, so I understand being able to "wear" your weight better than our shorter sisters, but I have to tell you, I was amazed at your "200 pound photo". I know you didn't feel beautiful or healthy, but I was shocked when you said you weighted 200 pounds. Just remember that other people don't see you the same way you do! But you're definitely right, your wedding pictures were beautiful and I'm so glad your wedding dress inspired you to get healthier. I bet its a lot easier this time around :)

  6. Good luck with this - and maybe you don't need to post your outfits, maybe you can post about your goals and what not.

    Keep in touch.

  7. ugh, i have the same ups and downs. it's hard to stay your goal weight, and really easy to gain weight.

    my jeans don't fit now either!

  8. Thank you everyone for your support.

    Dani, your post yesterday inspired this one. Once I hit the post button, it was like a load was lifted off my shoulders. It felt so good to just come out and say (type) what my jeans were telling me.

    Carol, thank you for the suggestions. (It's great to find another tall girl out there in blog land).

    Brittany, people always guess my weight to be much less than it actually is. I've got more places to hide fat!

  9. I can't tell you how much your post hits close to home. I went through a very similar timeline - in college I'd lost a ton (more because I couldn't afford to buy food more than anything) - and once I had a solid job, though it was one I wasn't happy at, I gained a LOT over the next several years. I, like you, dropped a good 30 pounds in the six months leading up to my wedding, but here it is three years later, and I'm right back where I started pre-exercise. You're such an inspiration - I really hope you're able to get back on the wagon (and I hope I can join you there!) Best of luck to you - and thanks for posting such an honest account of your challenges!

  10. this is a wonderful post. i think that the connection between mental state and healthy eating is often overlooked. good luck with everything!

  11. Finally! I want to shout it from the roof tops- Finally I have found a fellow blogger who is not 5'4 and complaining of being a size 4. I'm 5'11 and have struggled with my weight my whole life (lets just say I can relate to the 200lb pic)Never fully obese but chunky (size 14). I have decided im so sick of the yo yo dieting and for once and for all I'm going to totally get on the clean eating wagon- and not look back. I have already started precooking all my meals so I just have to reach in to the fridge. My hubby has joined me as well. Please keep us up to date with your journey and pics too- thank you for being honest too! From one tall girl to another!

  12. Thanks for sharing! I too have yo-yo'd through my 20s and 30s. For reference I'm 5'4". When I started university I was a puffy 125lbs. When I graduated, due to walking and swimming, I was at my lightest and leanest, 115lbs. Then through my 20s I carried a "few extra" and let myself slip back up to 125lb. I married a chef (130lb on my wedding day) and started taking the pill and boy, the pounds piled on. A few years of unhappy marriage and depression later, I had ballooned up to almost 160lb. My marriage over, I got on a clean eating/exercise regime and got myself down to 135lbs. Over the last year or so, I've slacked off and I'm now at 145lb. Not real happy about that, so hoping to shed the 10lbs before summer by healthy eating and working out regularly. Good on you for recognizing you need to stay lean, but remember weight is just a number, there are so many other benefits to being active and eating a healthy diet. Good luck, there are many of us on the same journey as you.

  13. Kudos for being so honest. You're very inspiring... especially for someone who lost 25 lbs 4 years ago and has slowly gained 16 of them back. :(

    I'm using the MyFitness Pal app to track calories right now, hoping to get back down to 155 and the size 8 pants I keep for inspiration. Going up a size was easy to explain away, but once the sz 10's started getting tight I had my own breakdown. I needed to read this today. Thank you.

  14. Great post - very brave to put yourself out there like this. I think lots of bloggers will appreciate reading this as you are likely connecting with a lot of us!

    I'm really interested in this Clean Eating - I'd love to hear some of the info as you post - i.e what kinds of foods, other changes you make.

    Do you read Oh She Glows blog?

  15. Good luck with your goals, KDot! Your wedding dress is gorgeous!

  16. Wow, I'm amazed at the response this post has received! Thank you everyone!

    Ratsonparade, join me. We can do it!

    Dotty, I totally agree. It just took a few years perceptive for me to realize.

    Colby, yeah, another tall girl!

    Closet Crisis, my goal is to be rocking by summer time too. I'm turning 30 in August and I'd love to celebrate by having a giant pool party (and rocking it in a bikini!)

  17. Thank you Haley. It has taken me a long time to warm up to the idea of putting myself "out there" in blogging land.

    LifeBegins, I am working on a post about what i eat when I eat clean. Stay turned.

    Thanks Rose :-)

  18. Thank Gawd you posted this! This is just the kick in my (ever expanding) a$$ that I needed!

    2010 was the year I gained weight after being so diligent for years! UGH! And I had a big wedding last year (my daughter's) and I hate the pics of myself because I was bigger than I wanted to be.

    I had bought the eat clean cookbook and book at Costco sometime in the summer and I'm ashamed to say I haven't even cracked them.

    Not for long! I have already grabbed the book off the shelf (midway thru your blog post) and will get reading!

    Can't wait to read more about what you eat. I will have to adapt it to it gluten free (I'm Celiac)but sure it can be done.

    Thanks again Kdot! All the best to you in 2011! I look forward to reading about your successes!


  19. What a well written and honest post Kdot -- thank you for sharing! My weight has gone up and down and up and down within a 40 lb range in the past 8 years, just depending on my stress level and my eating/exercising habits at the time. I've been at the higher end of the scale in the last year, and am slowly starting to get back to good habits and come down. I honestly don't care what I look like as much as I used to, but it feels better overall to be "clean" and healthy, and it sure is nice to fit into all of my clothes again ;)

  20. Urban Blonde, you have to read the book! It's so inspiring and explains the whole eating clean thing very well. It shows you just how easy it can be.

    Thank you goldenmeans. Good luck - you can do it!

  21. Your wedding photo was gorgeous! It's good to see your face and to see you smile!

    Your post was refreshing and honest. Good luck with your healthy's a lifelong process, no?

    And just to let you know, if you hadn't said anything I wouldn't have been able to tell that you were gaining weight. You still look great :)

  22. Thanks for sharing so honestly! That dress would have motivated me too. You look great but I get that it isn't a number you're happy with. I applaud you for going back to clean eating. Good luck!!

  23. First of all, you are beautiful at any weight. But I can understand how you feel. I used to be a skinny minny too, but once I hit about age 12 or 13, I had to really struggle with my weight. In college, I pretty much gave way to the unhealthy typical student eating habits and kept that up for a good number of years after I graduated. At my heaviest, I was 5'3" and 157lbs. Then through exercise and better eating, I managed to bring myself down to 122lbs. After I had DD, I had trouble loosing the weight and was solidly in the 135-145 range. Just in the last 6 months or so, I have finally controlled my unhealthy eating and am now (somewhat) content to be at 127lbs. A vacation to Mexico and longing to look decent in a bathing suit was the motivation I needed. LOL

    Good luck! I'm cheering you on!

  24. Yay! I remember you posting a long time ago that you lost weight for your wedding with the Eat Clean Diet and because of that I went out and bought the books. It's actually exactly the way I like to eat if I'm being healthy. I haven't been perfect on it but I still dropped some weight.

    I'll do this with you because I want to get back in shape. I'm turning 50 this August and I want to rock it.

    I haven't really had time to blog or even read blogs this month but I'll get back and encourage you. I can't believe you're 5'10"! You actually look really skinny in your pictures but you can't go wrong with eating like this.

    Let's do it.

  25. Thank you eek. I wasn't posting many pictures where I looked a little chunky hence the light blog posting recently. Now I'm just gonna say "screw it" and post anyways.

    Thanks Meg. I won't get obsessed with numbers - I just want to wear my skinny jeans again!

    Overcaffeinated, congratulations. You look great.

    BTW, Dani, I just realized I totally stole the title of your blog post. That's why that clever saying was in my head. I read it on your blog! Whoops!

  26. Joanie, I"m so glad you discovered eating clean. It really is a great way to live. Let's rock it together!

  27. You look great in your most recent post. I wouldn't think you're unhappy w/your weight based on what *I* see. However, I know how it is. We usually want to lose a couple lbs at least. Knocking out cheese makes a huge difference. It's just huge. I go back and forth, taking it completely out and then letting it creep back into my diet. I haven't had any for the past couple of weeks. My clear skin is back and I'm 2 lbs lighter. I hope I can stick w/it because it's hard to kick. Definitely worthwhile.

    Good luck w/whatever diet & exercise you decide to work with. Healthy eating is always positive given all the chemicals we eat these days.